i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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