Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
