STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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