She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
