I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
