Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
