ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
