I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
