I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
