Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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