I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
