and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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