Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
