if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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