At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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