Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if only i could text you this smell
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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