your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
