Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
