remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
