how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
