I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
