It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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