PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
