youre lurking in front of me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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