he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
