he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
