did you get engaged???
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
