someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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