Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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