Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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