i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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