Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
