i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
