The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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