he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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