Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
