Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
