I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
