It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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