Just cropdusted the office
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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