he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
