My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i think i just lost a toe
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
