He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
