If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
