She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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