I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
