Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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