She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
