God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
