Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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