WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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