hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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