dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
