so explain again why im purple
no
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
