This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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