If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
