apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
