So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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