Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
