It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
