So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
