3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
