he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
