got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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