So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
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Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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