I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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