So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
