I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can vaginas get frostbite?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
