If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
