If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
