it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
